p.17 Mother said, “You are who you run with”.
Most times I find it very difficult to spend the “quality time” I should with Da now that she is an adult who seems to not “get it”, even after being told repeatedly. She has never been one you would consider “slow” but smart. So what is it? How much can this mental illness really take from her life as a responsible adult, how do others do it? Ahhh - that must be for another time.
Regarding quality time, the periods I take away from posting here are usually attributed to two things; first the rest of my family has their own issues that are concerning and they also deserve “quality time” but secondly, I am often so exasperated by Da’s behavior that I am at a loss for words.
Since she is not able to leave the state for periods of time due to her probation, my husband loaded up everyone excluding me and Da, and head to my sisters for spring break. Since we have a new puppy, I stayed home then flew down the day he flew back. We literally waved to each other in the airport. While they were gone, two things happened, Da turned 20 and I had her sing with me at the Easter Vigil. We spent two evenings in a row together. The first night with her boyfriend I took them to dinner and found myself even enjoying their company. The second night, well I guess we had enough of each other.
On the ride we were discussing her friends. I personally find it pretty funny when your teenager or twenty year old seems to never have friends that drink or do drugs – or if they had been caught they somehow had stopped. Hum, I think my mother used to say “I was born yesterday” too.
Since adulthood has gripped Da and put her through a whirlwind of situations her friends have reflected the life she had been living which changed monthly. She’s had maybe two girlfriends that seem to have been with her through a lot of these experiences. Neither are two girls I think add value to her moral or life decision-making choices. All the others have just come and gone.
It turns out now she is just down to one of these friends. It turns out that the other became pregnant and has decided to continue her drug use. Da did talk her into not terminating the pregnancy; actually she is very against abortion.
Since Da is tested randomly as a condition of her probation she announced with loud indignation the fact this friend had dumped her because she couldn’t get high. (Add the look of your mother’s face here as you think she would respond to that statement.) Trying to not be to overwhelming on our quality time outing, I just kept my mouth shut and let her keep rambling.
Well it finally came out, yes she had learned a very valuable lesson, when you are on probation and can’t get high, you really learn who your friends are! (Whatever look of your mother you were making, you can exaggerate now.)
You see I have spent years checking into my kids’ friends. Sherlock Holmes has nothing on the mothers of teenagers. You have to know that the kids they are with are safe, decent and not going to lead them down the wrong paths. This is part of the maternal thing that you have stamped on your forehead at delivery. Now some mothers do not snoop, it could be a blessing to live that life, but I have found valuable information is some of the strangest places. The latest was in, of all places, her cell phone. Cameras are very telling, a picture is worth a thousand words – I won’t go there. So are saved recorded messages for certain friends. Thus I just feel justified in my feelings for some of the girls she hangs with.
After I dropped her off that Easter Weekend all I could think about was the fact that some of her friends’ mothers might not have been members of the Sherlock Holmes society and had no idea about my daughter. All those years where I am proclaiming this or that is just not good for her – it occurred to me that maybe it was her that was not good for them.
This can break the strongest of detective’s hearts.
Regarding quality time, the periods I take away from posting here are usually attributed to two things; first the rest of my family has their own issues that are concerning and they also deserve “quality time” but secondly, I am often so exasperated by Da’s behavior that I am at a loss for words.
Since she is not able to leave the state for periods of time due to her probation, my husband loaded up everyone excluding me and Da, and head to my sisters for spring break. Since we have a new puppy, I stayed home then flew down the day he flew back. We literally waved to each other in the airport. While they were gone, two things happened, Da turned 20 and I had her sing with me at the Easter Vigil. We spent two evenings in a row together. The first night with her boyfriend I took them to dinner and found myself even enjoying their company. The second night, well I guess we had enough of each other.
On the ride we were discussing her friends. I personally find it pretty funny when your teenager or twenty year old seems to never have friends that drink or do drugs – or if they had been caught they somehow had stopped. Hum, I think my mother used to say “I was born yesterday” too.
Since adulthood has gripped Da and put her through a whirlwind of situations her friends have reflected the life she had been living which changed monthly. She’s had maybe two girlfriends that seem to have been with her through a lot of these experiences. Neither are two girls I think add value to her moral or life decision-making choices. All the others have just come and gone.
It turns out now she is just down to one of these friends. It turns out that the other became pregnant and has decided to continue her drug use. Da did talk her into not terminating the pregnancy; actually she is very against abortion.
Since Da is tested randomly as a condition of her probation she announced with loud indignation the fact this friend had dumped her because she couldn’t get high. (Add the look of your mother’s face here as you think she would respond to that statement.) Trying to not be to overwhelming on our quality time outing, I just kept my mouth shut and let her keep rambling.
Well it finally came out, yes she had learned a very valuable lesson, when you are on probation and can’t get high, you really learn who your friends are! (Whatever look of your mother you were making, you can exaggerate now.)
You see I have spent years checking into my kids’ friends. Sherlock Holmes has nothing on the mothers of teenagers. You have to know that the kids they are with are safe, decent and not going to lead them down the wrong paths. This is part of the maternal thing that you have stamped on your forehead at delivery. Now some mothers do not snoop, it could be a blessing to live that life, but I have found valuable information is some of the strangest places. The latest was in, of all places, her cell phone. Cameras are very telling, a picture is worth a thousand words – I won’t go there. So are saved recorded messages for certain friends. Thus I just feel justified in my feelings for some of the girls she hangs with.
After I dropped her off that Easter Weekend all I could think about was the fact that some of her friends’ mothers might not have been members of the Sherlock Holmes society and had no idea about my daughter. All those years where I am proclaiming this or that is just not good for her – it occurred to me that maybe it was her that was not good for them.
This can break the strongest of detective’s hearts.
posted by ewschott at Sunday, April 10, 2005
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home